2016 Was a Beautiful, Hard, Real Year

It's my last morning in Indiana and the second to last day of 2016. I woke up to snow on the ground and the bright, orange sun rising above a row of houses. It breaks through the blue grey clouds and warms my room, its golden arms reaching out to me beneath my comforter. Christmas is over and now we're in that phase where my heart begins to yearn for spring long before it's acceptable. Warm me, sun. Warm me, I smile through the window.

What will I say about 2016?, I wonder as I lie there, reflecting on the year. Personally, it was a year of great joy. I got married. I left my job to pursue The Letter Project. I went to Greece and moved in with a boy for the first time. I got to watch my baby brother get married. I learned new rhythms for what my relationships look like after marriage and what my days look like after Corporate America. The year was full of new beginnings and routines. It was amazing.

But, beyond me, 2016 brought a lot of pain. One of my best friends lost her dad suddenly and we all felt that loss in our hearts and souls. I ached for her in a way I didn't know you could ache for a friend. He was a good, kind man and his quick departure left a cavern, a hole he once filled with constant laughter and love.

Outside of us, there was also a lot of tragedy across America and on a global scale. There was loss and pain for people all around the world. And, of course, there was a shocking presidential election.

Am I still allowed to say 2016 was great? I wonder as I watch the sun burn through the clouds, the grey dissipating and a bright, blue sky pressing through.

I am a dichotomous person. I do not operate well in the in between. It's either this or that. It's good or bad. It's happy or sad. It's a success or a failure. This or that gives me the feeling of control. It allows me to believe I understand what the year meant, have put it in a box and tied it with a bow. It was a happy year! 

But, what 2016 taught me is that sometimes, we have to operate in the in between. Sometimes we have to stand within the schism, stretching our arms to both sides, touching the good and the bad simultaneously. We have to feel every bit of it wash over our bodies, understanding that we must be the bridge between the two. 

We have to replace the or with an and because and is a bridge. It's happy and it's sad. 2016 was beautiful and it was hard. It was alarmingly bitter and incredibly sweet. Sometimes moments of great joy run parallel with moments of great pain and it is our job not to understand them, but to feel them.

2016 was a year of great joy and pain. It was the year of and. And that is very much OK. 

Here's to you, 2016, in all your beauty and pain, fullness and emptiness. Here's to honesty, love, beginnings and endings. Here's to bravery. Here's to big, bold and. 

December Recap & January Goals

I know December isn't over just yet, but I'm shutting it down around these parts! I'm taking the next week off and will be back in the new year with fresh posts for you. So, today, from Indiana, a December recap!

In a nutshell, December was a month of boundaries. At the start of November, I realized things had come a little unhinged around here. My work space was the same space in which we were eating dinner. The clothes I was working in were the same ones I was lounging in at night. The hours of work and play were running together and I had begun to feel like nothing was reserved for just tasking or just relaxing.

I am someone that needs firm boundaries. I need to feel like I can turn off work. Without boundaries, I was feeling overwhelmed by the constant presence of things to be done. And so! December became a month of some serious boundary setting. Most literally? I started reading the book Boundaries :) I will share a review when I finish it.

I also set boundaries with exercise. I took a week off from the gym and went to yoga instead, knowing my body was yearning for deep stretching and slowing down. I cut back on my coffee intake and slept like a babe.

We made room in our budget for me to work at coffee shops a few times this month, so I didn't go stir crazy working entirely from home. I frequented Press & Grind (VaHi), Octane Grant Park and Dancing Goats at Ponce City Market.

(Posted up at Press & Grind! Aka in my happy place)

We took an entire Sunday to sabbath and were reminded how amazing rest + connection are. 

I set boundaries by creating a more refined schedule for The Letter Project. I had gotten to the point where I'd jump every time a new request came in, feeling rushed to respond as quickly as possible. By creating a false sense of urgency, I was stifling my own creativity, which made it super hard to write or blog. Now, I have set times to read letters and specific windows blocked to bundle and send them. 

Of course, it was not just a month of firm boundary setting :) We also played. We made gingerbread houses with my brother & his girlfriend. Well, they made a house. We made a tiny, sad looking village. 

We went to a friend's tacky sweater party with Melly + her boyfriend, Andrew. 

Chris was the best man in a wedding of great friends, which was an awesome way to spend the weekend before Christmas.

We also celebrated Christmas with his family, who is wonderful and allowed him spend our first married Christmas with me in Indiana. I'm so excited to have him home for the holidays!

While I'm here, I'll be seeing my pal (&fellow Hoosier!) Robyn, my dear friends from high school and college aaaand spending insane quantities of time in the home hole with my family. It's going to be awesome :) 

But! Before I do, I'm checking in on my December goals. 

1. Send 500 Letter Project letters this month alone // Not going to get this one. Partly because I decided to take a break from 12/21 to 12/31 to let our writers rest. Partly because we just didn't have 500 requests. It was a good check for me to remember not to get caught up in numbers and to appreciate the natural growth of the project. I will not be a slave to numbers! Everything is progressing exactly as it should.

2. Start the process for establishing The Letter Project as a 501c3 // YES! Working on this and so excited! An awesome law firm agreed to help out pro bono, which was a huge win. 

3. Finish Carry On, Warrior // Done! This book was interesting because there were definitely things I didn't agree with, as well as chapters that made me squirm a little bit. But, I still liked it because it's honest and kind. And, there were a lot of chapters that made me want to scream yes, yes, yes, this is it! Her metaphors are incredible, too. I'm going to read Love Warrior next and have been told it's a very different read. 

4. Stretch twice a week // Mission accomplished! I am always resistant to stretching because it feels like a waste of time (it's not). It felt so good to force myself to do it this month. I also got a massage at Jiao because my sweet friend, Katie, sent me a gift card. Oh boy! It was a dream. I'm not typically a massage person and was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. 

5. Try a Sabbath Sunday // Did it! Loved it! Highly recommend it. 

And now, for January goals! 

1. Obtain 501c3 status for The Letter Project

2. Make a plan for the first six months of the year, which will include goals for The Letter Project, writing, blogging and coaching. Update my website to align with the new goals.

3. Finish one of the books I'm reading. I'm bouncing between Love Warrior, Boundaries and The Art of Memoir. After these, I'm binging on fiction for a little bit. 

4. Plan a trip with Chris for February. 

5. Do a lot of yoga. Chris' mom got me a package to Core Power and I want to make time to slow down this month and really enjoy it. 

And that's all, friends! Have a restful, joyful and Merry Christmas!

Five Ways to Overcome Comparison & Jealousy

Monday's post seemed to resonate with people, which got me thinking about more tangible ways to fight the comparison trap. It's impossible to how-to ourselves out of these situations because the icky feelings that crop up when we're struggling with comparison are normally deep within us. They're heart issues, not how-to issues.

When I find myself thinking I wish I had that many Instagram followers, deep down I'm really feeling I wish that many people liked my writing as much as they like hers. When I'd find myself feeling envious of another friend getting engaged, it was less about the ring and the wedding and more about wanting someone - anyone - to like me that much. 

While we can't quickly check a few things off a How To Overcome Comparison list and be done with these feelings, there are tactics we can employ to ease our jealousy when we see other people having the success we think we deserve. We can't avoid the deep cavern that comparison can create in our hearts, but we can build a bridge to more easily walk across it. 

Five Ways to Overcome Comparison & Jealousy

1. Celebrate her // How annoying that this is my first tip, right? I know! But! Comparison and jealousy shrivel in the presence of celebration and collaboration. Jealous of a friend's awesome article? Repost it. Comment on it. Celebrate her as genuinely as you can in the moment, instead of stewing behind your screen. Jealous of yet another baby announcement? Send a card. Don't be insincere or over the top (no need to throw a shower, here!), but celebrate her as honestly as you can while respecting your own boundaries. 

image via

2. Pray for her // If celebrating her feels like too much, try praying for her. Pray that the Lord blesses her marriage, her business, her homeownership, her baby, whatever it may be. Pray that He works in her life to draw her near and shine bright in this chapter of her life. Whenever I do this, I notice my heart softens.

3. Have boundaries // One of my wedding showers happened to be on a friend's birthday. She was struggling with turning another year older and being single. She told me, ever so politely, that she wanted to celebrate me but didn't think she could spend her birthday at a bridal shower. I understood her feelings completely and was so grateful that she felt safe enough with me to be honest. If something feels like too much, opt out. Don't do something begrudgingly; set boundaries. They help us love another better. 

4. Tell someone // If you see something, say something, right? I sometimes struggle online when I see another small business owner having (what appears to be) more success than me. Instead of sitting there, scrolling and stewing, I put down my phone and tell Chris: I'm feeling envious of her. I wish I was having that much success. By saying it out loud, I've noticed I can defuse the feelings. 

5. Don't be ashamed of how you feel // You. Are. Normal. Don't let yourself experience guilt for feeling envious. It doesn't mean you are a bad person or that anything is wrong with you. This world can be uneven and it is sometimes tricky to navigate. What you're feeling is a very normal reaction.

For When Social Media Steals Your Joy

Have you ever had a few minor aches and pains, plugged them in to Google and, within a few minutes, convinced yourself that you were severely ill? This effect is apparently known as Cyberchondria and is not an uncommon reaction to WebMD.

I was getting coffee with a friend last week and we were joking about how social media can be a lot like WebMD. You think you're OK - you're having a good day, cruising right along - and then, bam! You see a friend in Iceland. Suddenly you're Googling flights to Reykjavik, making a Pinterest board for all of the cute coats you're going to need. Not to mention the boots!

And bam! You see a friend just graduated law school and you're panicked: what are you doing with your life anyway? Suddenly your bachelor's degree feels like child's play and you're scouring the internet for an LSAT prep course near you.

You see a friend's Christmas dinner table - the white dishes, gold chargers and tiny evergreen wreaths. Suddenly your tiny piney feels like Charlie Brown's tree and you're wondering if you're actually a grown up? 

You see people at a party on Friday night, as you're getting in bed at 10 p.m. after a lovely night of a face mask and a glass of wine. Suddenly your night (about which you felt very content five minutes prior) feels embarrassing. Why didn't anyone invite me? Why don't I do more cool stuff? Why am I not more social? 

From boyfriends to babies, brunch to New Year's Eve and everything in between, it can be easy to sit on social media and notice all the things that are wrong with our lives. It can be easy to suddenly feel the aches and pains that are plaguing us, diagnosing ourselves with all sorts of issues that were never really there to begin with. 

In these moments, it helps me to talk back to those aches and pains. To remind myself that Iceland does sound nice, but, before this moment, it wasn't even on my bucket list. And sure, another degree would be nice, I guess, but I'd never even thought about grad school until I noticed everyone around me was snatching up MBAs. 

It's essential for me to have grounding statements (Truth Arrows!) to speak back to that noisy voice echoing from social media. I have to remind myself I'm exactly where I need to be right now. I am doing enough. I am not missing out. There is enough to go around. 

I am not supposed to keep up, but, instead run wild and free toward my own dreams. 

Maybe you're running toward your dreams. Maybe you feel super stuck, unsure of what to do next. Maybe you have no clue what your dreams are and are just trying to keep your head above water today. 

From someone who has been there (all of those places!), let me tell you: You are doing enough. You may feel like you're drowning. But, you might actually be treading. Don't let the cyberchondria get you down. Keep going. You're doing great.