• Motherhood
  • dating & relationships
  • self-care
  • body image
  • Shop
  • About
Menu

sometimes, always, never

Street Address
City, State, Zip
Phone Number

Your Custom Text Here

sometimes, always, never

  • Motherhood
  • dating & relationships
  • self-care
  • body image
  • Shop
  • About

10 things i can tell you about your husband

November 12, 2013 Whitney Saxon
image

image

So far, in the first half of 2014, I'm in two weddings and have been invited to two weddings and four destination bachelorette parties. Essentially, January to June of next year is wedding season. Plus one baby shower I'm hosting. 

And I'm pumped about this. It's going to be one fun spring. I cannot wait to watch my friends marry the men of their dreams; begin to build their families and futures. 

But, as a single girl, something I've both watched happen and experienced myself is the feeling that there is a club to which I've not been invited. Somehow, my friends keep getting invitations from the future - husbands, registries, honeymoons and babies. And for some reason, I just can't swing an invite. 

image

image

As I've watched my friends get engaged, I've seen a very real and obvious transition in their demeanor. They have immediately shifted from an attitude of "it's just us single girls" to "it's just you single girls." And I want to be very clear here: this is not wrong.

Heck no! In fact, I think almost any girl in her 20s that is ready to get married would gladly swap that us for a you. 

But, the truth is, when you're left in the single pile, as your friends slowly get chosen, it can get lonely. You begin to wonder why your friends are finding really great guys and you somehow keep going on dates where the guy is suggesting tequila shots on a Tuesday and stopping for chewing tobacco on the drive home (true story). 

You begin to wonder: is it me? Am I talking too much? Wearing the wrong thing? Not playing hard to get? Playing too hard to get? 

I've hesitated to write this post for a while because I'm still single and I feared people would consider my advice irrelevant because of that. But then I realized that it is inevitable: once I get engaged, things will change for me, too. I will stop thinking about these things. I will inevitably stop feeling single. 

So, these are the things I wish someone had told me before I'd met my husband. Or rather, before I even ventured into the 20-something dating scene. 

image

image

1. When you meet your husband, you won't worry about messing it up.

I've dated guys that I've been constantly worried about messing it up with: I worried about what I said. Was I too loud? Did I talk to much? Does he like the restaurant I picked? Does he really want to go to this wedding with me, or does he feel obligated? And I've dated guys around whom I've felt completely myself: messy hair, talkative, with my real emotions just pouring out. 

And you know what? Even though I am still single, I know the latter is where I'm supposed to land. I don't want to live a life of performing, where I'm constantly looking and acting perfect for my husband. Do I want to please him, for him to find me attractive and amazing? Of course. But I want a real life, where he finds me attractive even when I have on leggings and glasses and no makeup, not just when I have on date attire. I know the freedom I find when being my honest self is the freedom I want in my marriage. 

2. Marry a nice guy.

I freaking love players. There. I said it. UGH. It's a disease, you know? I have dated players and meanies and looked deep into their eyes and thought: oh I could love you. I could be the one you turn nice for. I know you've hurt girls before, but when you see how great I am, I think you'll want to put a ring on it and mellow out. 

First of all: this is really rare. I have seen this happen (a) in movies and (b) for a few of my friends, but these instances are the exception to the rule. It's very rare that a guy who has serious issues (that need therapy) will meet you and suddenly all of those self-worth issues will be resolved. People change, yes, yes yes. BUT it is not your job to change someone. So please, my friends, give the nice guys a chance. 

When I was in Africa, I was watching Bob Goff play a game with the kids and I had this moment of clarity. I thought: that's a nice guy. And if you marry a nice guy, you get a future with a nice man. 

image

image

3. Don't pursue guys.

If a guy is interested, he will find a way to talk to you. I once had a guy text me about his hemorrhoid. Not kidding. If a guy wants to talk to you, he will find a way to do it. Just sit back and enjoy the show, my friends. 

4. Don't play games.

You know what else I used to love? Games. They made me feel like I was in control; like I was handling the situation, the relationship. But if you're super gamey up front, when you stop playing the games in the middle, you'll quickly find the end. Just be yourself. I used to wait exactly ten minutes longer than the guy did to reply to a text. But, who was I fooling? We all have our phones on us all  the dang time. 

5. Slow down, enjoy dating.

When you go from dating to married, things obviously change. And one thing that will happen is that him taking you on a nice date won't quite be the same. Your money will be shared. Your calendars will be shared. Enjoy the fact that a guy is making time on your calendar to take you on a date.

how-to-meet-someone

6. Don't lose yourself.

In friendships. In new relationships. In work. There are a lot of things in our 20s that will offer - if not threaten - to define us. Don't become any one thing. Just become yourself. And when you meet your husband, he will fully embrace it.

7. Don't confuse criticism with a lack of love.

I'm a recovering (and sometimes still struggling) perfectionist. One of the hardest things for me to learn has been that just because someone doesn't like an idea I have, or what I choose to do, doesn't mean they don't love me. Does it mean they're right? Not necessarily. But being willing to look outside of our ideas and opinions makes us stronger individuals, and will make us stronger in our future relationships. 

8. When you're dating the right person, you will have peace.

You won't constantly worry about whether or not it's right. If you're consumed by wondering if you should end it - but are afraid to - you should probably end it. 

image

image

9. Listen to the people that love you.

Listen to your gut, of course. But also, if everyone that loves you doesn't love him, there's probably more to it. My siblings and my parents are my litmus test, hands down. They've seen me through it all and if they say there's smoke, I know I need to check for fire. 

10. If there are really, really big differences in dating, don't ignore them.

I know I have to marry a Christian - and he has to lead me. I know this isn't everyone's priority, but figure out what are your priorities, and don't settle. I don't give two hoots about politics (seriously - I had no idea it was a big voting day in GA last week), but I care about other things very deeply. I know that. And I won't forget about them.

11. (Bonus!) He makes sure you know you're enough.

Dressed up. In sweatpants. Hyper. Sleepy. Hangry. Giddy. From head to know. You are enough. Don't forget it. 

Tags just thinking, love your relationship, most read ever
← lots of travel and an ATL bucket list updatelet's work together! →

Hi! I'm Whitney. I'm so glad you're here! I'm somewhat obsessed with helping women believe they are enough and they're not alone in this world. 

I founded The Letter Project in October 2017 to help spread this message a little further.

Thanks for reading! I believe in you.


Latest posts:

Featured
Mar 25, 2025
Is the Mailman My Best Friend? And other thoughts.
Mar 25, 2025
Mar 25, 2025
saxon-40.jpg
Jan 22, 2025
The Very Real Whiplash from 2020 to 2025
Jan 22, 2025
Jan 22, 2025
ewg-approved-sunscreen.JPG
Jun 21, 2020
Summer Favs
Jun 21, 2020
Jun 21, 2020
moterhood-nostaligia.jpg
Jun 9, 2020
Thoughts on Motherhood, part 2
Jun 9, 2020
Jun 9, 2020
Archive
  • March 2025
  • January 2025
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008

Most read posts:

Featured
An Open Letter to the Man Bothered by Lady Gaga's "Gut"
Feb 6, 2017
An Open Letter to the Man Bothered by Lady Gaga's "Gut"
Feb 6, 2017
Feb 6, 2017
Why I Quit Dating
Jan 13, 2017
Why I Quit Dating
Jan 13, 2017
Jan 13, 2017
why i don't want to lose weight for my wedding day
Nov 23, 2015
why i don't want to lose weight for my wedding day
Nov 23, 2015
Nov 23, 2015
Nov 18, 2015
for when you know it needs to be over.
Nov 18, 2015
Nov 18, 2015
how-to-meet-a-boy
Nov 12, 2013
10 things i can tell you about your husband
Nov 12, 2013
Nov 12, 2013
how-to-make-friends.jpeg
Oct 15, 2013
big city, small town {how to make friends in a new city}
Oct 15, 2013
Oct 15, 2013

Liven up your inbox!

Sign up to receive posts via email.

Thank you! I can't wait to connect :)

Featured in:

Currently reading:

Hit the road!

Save $40 on your Airbnb when you book here.

A little note:

From time to time, I use affiliate links when I share a product. If you purchase a product after clicking an affiliate link, I receive a small percentage of the sale for the referral at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your continued support - it means so much to me!

More than one instance of Sumo is attempting to start on this page. Please check that you are only loading Sumo once per page.