// life lately: spring is good //

Spring life has been the good life lately. 

I went to a bachelorette with dear friends in Bloomington to celebrate our girl Jamie getting married // And celebrated Chris' 28th birthday at Rathbun's // Froyo has pretty much been a diet staple // And we celebrated our friends Mike and Kelsey getting married this past weekend // Duke helped me hang my hammock swing, which is really going to up my porch game // I've spent as much time as possible outside - reading under trees in the park with Chris, going on long walks and soaking up this blissful weather.

I hope you're enjoying your spring, too!

Ten Things for Single Girls

1. Don’t stress so much about finding a guy.

I wish I’d learned this sooner. I wish I hadn't spent 25 stressing and instead had trusted that when the time was right, God would bring me someone to date. He.will.find.you. And you don’t need to do anything to make it happen faster.

2. Do what you love.

Did you know that you glow when you’re doing what you love? I mean it. When we are in our element, we light up. And we connect more. I promise you that you don’t need to be a slave to the bars – standing around waiting for a guy to offer to buy you a drink. Do what you want to do. Go where you want to go. Wear what you want to wear. Don’t make your life a game of cat and mouse. Just be you. He will find you.

3. This time is precious.

Once you start dating someone, everything will change. You won’t have autonomy over your schedule anymore and you have to find a careful balance between your significant other, friends, family, work and alone time. Is it worth it? Of course! But this time to yourself is precious. Instead of wishing it away, use it to really connect with your family and girlfriends, to try new hobbies and to grow on your own.

When I finally stopped waiting to meet someone

, I realized how fun this phase of life it was. 

4. Don’t use sex to attract a guy. Unless you want to attract a guy that just wants to have sex.

You are so much more than your physical body. You are lovely and beautiful! But you are

even more

than that. Don’t a

llow yourself to believe that your looks are why you’re worthy of a relationship. It’s a slippery slope when we begin to believe that the value we bring to a relationship is derived from our looks. You are much more than your body. Shine bright and shine far from the inside out.

5. Make big choices now.

 That puppy you want to buy? That city you want to try out? Or trip you want to take? You should try them! You are worthy of receiving all those wonderful adventures now. You don't have to put your life on hold because you’re afraid it might jeopardize your future relationship. I promise you that a big adventure won’t slow your relationship down. The person you end up with will be able to run right alongside you. 

6. Be open minded

. It's great to know your non-negotiables and to hold tight to them. But allow room for a little creativity and grace as you meet people. Allow yourself to be surprised by the love you can find when you let someone new in. It will be greater than you even imagined.

7. Let him come to you.

I promise you that if a guy is interested, he will pursue you. Trust me, I've been there before: maybe he didn't get my text message? Maybe I should have left a voicemail? Is he nervous? Maybe I should help him out? My friends. Boys are hunters. If they like you, they will text you, call you and ask you out. 

8. Sort through your issues

. Now is the best time you’ll ever have to deal with the past. When you start dating someone and you’re worried about if he likes you and if it's going to go anywhere, it’s a lot harder to really dig into your own stuff. Use this precious time to learn more about who you are and what your past means to you. 

9. You are not alone.

Being single can feel so, so lonely. Because the loneliest feeling is not actually being alone, but is, instead, not feeling known. But I promise you, you are not alone. You are loved beyond words by your family, friends and God. On the lonely days, don’t apologize for needing more from your loved ones. They are there to talk and to remind you that you are deeply, deeply loved. Lean on them. And when they need it? Let them lean right back.

10. Be you. Because you are beautiful. And you are enough.

Wholly, fully, inside and out. You are enough. It doesn't take a diamond ring to tell you this. You are enough, exactly as you are. Exactly where you are. 

What is Love?

On one of 

my favorite mornings in Africa

, we rode single speed bikes that clunked down the bumpy, dirt road to our project site for the day. The smell of sunscreen and Deet wafted behind us as we biked slowly alongside one another. We’d been strangers the week before, but by this day, we’d shared heart-wrenching and life-changing experiences. We danced somewhere between acquaintances – still learning about one another’s families and hometowns – and friends.

We arrived at our worksite for the day, where we planned to help build a school out of water, dirt and dung. Our sunscreen protection was quickly replaced by thick, cakey mud. We worked all morning alongside locals to build the first wall – telling jokes and sharing stories. Taking breaks to hold a tiny, perfect baby.

During our lunch break, we sat on a tarp and broke bread over a traditional meal, including hot tea and crumpets. While we ate, kids from the surrounding area started to gather around us. As we finished eating, we started to play with them. They asked me to take their picture on my phone over and over, begging me to see themselves each time. They don’t see mirrors regularly and don’t have phones – so seeing their own face in a photo was incredible to them.

What I didn’t realize was that each time I took their photo, I would say, “I love it! Do you love it?” and then show it to them. Quickly the kids caught on and started chanting, “I love it! Do you love it?” over and over.

I’d never realized until that moment how often I say the words “I love it!” Thinking about it made me wonder what the word

love

really means to me.

Love is not conditional

My bible study is reading Donald Miller’s new book,

Scary Close

. He talks a lot about love and intimacy. A point that has really stuck with me is that love is not conditional. Love is constant and is a choice. It isn’t dangled in front of someone or manipulative. I think a lot of times, we tend to confuse what love is in our relationships. When someone is being unloving or treating you poorly, they aren’t practicing love. And that’s what love is – it’s a choice and a practice. When it comes to love, actions speak equally as loud – if not louder – than words.

Love is not perfect

A lot of my friends are at a similar point in dating right now – close to getting engaged and really trying to evaluate if their relationships are marriage-worthy. Something we have talked about lately is this:

Even when you love someone, they still aren't perfect. 

You will annoy one another. And frustrate one another. As you grow deeper in a relationship, the good things get better, but the bad things become more exemplified, too. If leaving the toilet seat up annoys you in dating, you better believe it will bug you when you’re sharing a house. But, I have to bet that the way Chris is always filling up my constantly emptied glass of water will only keep getting sweeter the longer he does it.

The truth is, this isn’t just in dating. Our siblings, parents, friends and peers that we love are equally as flawed. Have you ever had someone you love really disappoint you? It’s easy to want to write them off. And I think we live in such a readily connected and trade-in/trade-up society that we tend to look at relationships as disposable. 

But, writing off people who have made mistakes, let you down and shown that they are, in fact, human, is not love. Because love is not conditional.

What does love look like in your life?

What I’m learning is that I may have really loved the cute photos of the kids in Africa. But when it comes to relationships, practicing love is much more than that. It’s an action and a choice. For me, showing love is being consistent and available. It is being vulnerable, honest and patient. It is remembering Donald Miller’s words that loving someone with flaws opens the door to them loving me with my flaws, too.

I don't know what love looks like in your life. But I do believe that when you love someone, you choose to grow alongside them and learn together. 

You choose to be vulnerable and open yourself up wholly and fully to experience authentic love.

I want to be clear that there are definite reasons to end a relationship like abuse, manipulation (among many others) and any other deal breakers that are personal to you. I am not, in any way, advocating that you ignore major red flags or stay in an unhealthy relationship. Love is respectful, gentle and kind.

If you would like to discuss this post further, or any other topic, I am currently offering half-off

coaching sessions

for first-time customers in order to complete my hours toward my full certification.

Email me

with questions!  

Muffy's Sweet 60th

I thrive off of routine - off sameness and checklists and a consistent rhythm. It keeps me calm and gives me a perceived (though often false) sense of control. But sometimes? All I need is to break free from my routine. To stop checking things off and to just be. To let go of control and to give up the grind. 

And that's exactly what last week looked like for my family.

My dad planned a 60th birthday trip for my mom, so all of my siblings + their babies headed down to Rosemary Beach to celebrate her.

I was fortunate enough that the trip fell between my old and new jobs, so I was able to completely unplug and focus on this beautiful family of mine.

Our days consisted of coffee by the pool in the morning, followed by family runs, poolside workouts, Nuke 'Em, ocean swims, bocce ball and, of course, afternoon iced coffee. We talked, we read, we laughed, we ate a lot.

  

Our nights consisted of dinners grilled by my dad, relaxation and early, early bedtimes. 

Ever since we were little, my parents talked about creating a bunk bed room for us to sleep in together, because we always wound up in one another's rooms growing up anyway. This house made our dreams come true, with two bunk rooms - one for the adults and one for the kiddos.

Every night when our 9:30 bedtime rolled around (not kidding), it was so fun to cruise up to the same room. 

We were lucky enough to celebrate both my mom's, as well as Duke and Ryan's birthdays while we were there.

We wanted to shower my mom with extra love on her 60th and, as part of it, we brought Chinese lanterns. We thought we could each make a wish for her year ahead as we let them go. 

But, even the best laid plans can go awry. And ours did just that.  

As soon as the first set of lanterns took flight, they bee-lined for the trees surrounding the pool. One lantern made it into the abyss, while the others got caught in the height of the branches. Instead of saying wishes for her year, we were hosing the trees down while praying we didn't light the entire community ablaze. 

Duke and I hosed the trees down, while Ryan climbed up in one and shook a lantern out.

I wish we could have sent off well wishes for my mom, but the memory of us all scrambling and getting ready to stop, drop and roll is a way better memory.

The entire week reminded me how good it feels to slow down and that the checklists aren't what give us worth. It reminded me that our relationships and the way we love and connect with one another are the most important thing. And it reminded me that the vacation life sure is the good life. :)

I hope you had a wonderful week!