The Letter Project on CNN!

Guys, someone needs to pinch me.

I am SO excited to share that The Letter Project was recently featured on CNN & HLN. I am honestly in shock! I could not be more grateful for the way the Lord is growing this project and using so many women around the world to lift up, champion and support other girls.

It never stops amazing me how truly good people are. I know there is a lot of hurt and there can be a lot of frustration, but this project continues to show me that, if you look for it, there are daily reminders of good outweighing bad time and time again. Such as the incredible Letter Writers and donors who support this project!

We shot the piece a few weeks ago in Atlanta and the entire CNN team was incredible to work with. You can watch the video if you'd like below!

Also, if you know anyone who would want to be a Letter Writer or donate, we're always, always looking for support. It is a goal of mine to have the project fully funded (as opposed to paying out of pocket!) by the end of the year. I'd love your support if this is something that aligns with your beliefs!

Thank you to all of you who have supported The Letter Project during the last 18 months! You really are the bees' knees.

Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?

I knew the day was coming. I knew, from the moment we started trying to have a baby, in fact, that someday, when I was far enough along in pregnancy, it would happen: I would weigh more than Chris. If I'm telling you the truth, I thought about this long before we even decided to start a family. He's not that much taller than me; the writing was on the wall.

You step on the scale every time you go to the doctor during pregnancy. I'd like to say it gets easier each week, as you hear your weight climb. And it does at first, when you're gaining one or two pounds here and there. But, as someone who swore off the scale years ago (I honestly couldn't have told you my starting weight if they hadn't recorded it), it's been shocking during these last few weeks to hear the numbers creep up and up. 

Last week, when the nurse told me what I weighed, I blurted out: well, that's a number I've never seen before! My candor revealing my shock. 

It's worth it, of course, to see these high numbers as our baby grows. And it doesn't matter (I try to remember) whether or not I weigh less than Chris. He certainly does not care. But, as someone who has sworn (and declared!) the number on the scale doesn't matter - that it doesn't impact our beauty, our worth, our value - I'm surprised by how shocked I have been at those bi-weekly weigh ins. 

Wondering if I was the only one who was bothered by this, I googled "pregnancy + I weigh more than my husband." I hadn't really looked at pregnancy forums until then and was shocked to see how many other women struggle with it. As I read through their posts, I felt both reassured (this is very normal) and happy to see how women encouraged one another (he still thinks you're beautiful). 

However, as I got deeper into the forums, I started noticing how critical they were of themselves - of their "back rolls" and "huge thighs" and how they "felt fat" and wanted to cry every time they looked at their lithe husbands. 

I couldn't believe how women were willing to reassure one another, but so highly critical of themselves. Why do we do this? Why do we treat other women like people we love, but treat ourselves like mannequins who deserved to be measured and pinched and prodded? 

via

I don't know what it is for you - whether it's a number on the scale or on your pants. Maybe you hate your big forehead or your wide feet. Maybe you wish you were shorter. Maybe you wonder if your voice is annoying. Pregnant or not, we all have something that makes us feel insecure, a little afraid to look directly in the mirror or hold our heads high. 

Reading those forums reminded me of a few truths: we, as women, need to work daily to fight the messages the world sends us about gender norms, how we should look and where our worth comes from.

Most importantly, we need to treat ourselves as we'd treat our sister or best friend: speaking truths of what beauty really means, practicing gentility and remembering we are more than the sum of our body parts.

As I read through the forums, I decided, then and there, that I was going to hold my head high for the rest of pregnancy when the nurse tells me my weight. I won't let Satan creep into this season of joy by creating shame for me. I won't let any number define me. Not today or tomorrow. Not during pregnancy or after. I didn't do it before and I won't do it now. 

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My Favorite Devotionals

One of my favorite parts of the day is doing quiet time with Chris in the morning. We sit in the living room with the lights low and journal, pray, read the bible or read a devotional. Whatever suits us each day. It's an awesome time of being side by side, but quiet with the Lord. 

I thought I'd share a few of my favorite devos. I'm always looking for others, so please share if you have any you love! 

For a daily read: Jesus Calling. I love starting my day with this one and reading the accompanying scripture chapters. It's also available as an app, which is so nice to have when you're traveling. 

For a free devo: She Reads Truth. Similarly to Jesus Calling, SRT's devos are a great length, especially when I read the chapters in the bible where they pull the scripture. I also love reading about the authors at the end. 

For when you want to journal a lot: Rooted Ink. This is more of a journal, but I love it for days when I want to reflect in a structured way. Each day has a verse, as well as lines to write praises, confession, answered prayer, requests and scripture. 

For marriage: The Power of a Praying Wife. I love the way you can select a topic, like patience or priorities, and pray for your husband specifically in this area. If I'm ever feeling frustrated with Chris about something and I begin to pray for him on that topic specifically, my attitude immediately shifts.

For motherhood (or in my case, pregnancy!): Out of the Spin Cycle. I love Jen Hatmaker's thoughts on early motherhood and how she pairs them with scripture. I can only imagine how much more relevant it will feel a few months from now when we're in the thick of the baby days. 

On my wish list: 100 Days to Brave. I haven't read this one yet, but my sister-in-law got it for Christmas and it looks awesome. Daily devotionals for unlocking your most courageous self: what more could you want? 

Pick Someone Who Is Gentle & Kind

It was a little over a year ago that Chris and I were in Kenya for a month. As March passed this year, I kept thinking of what we were doing each day, one year ago.

There was the part of the trip when we were in our rural village, walking each day to garden, Kenyan kids chasing after us as my long skirt dragged and our Tevas kicked up red dirt. 

Then there was the part of our trip when we were on a safari. I'll never forget arriving at that resort. We must have looked like such a mess compared to the other vacationers! It's a high-end lodge, but we were able to stay there due to their amazing volunteer discount. Everyone was dressed to the nines in safari clothes and we rolled up in our volunteer gear after three weeks of using a bucket of water to shower. Juice, coffee, mimosa? They offered us upon arrival. Yes, please, all three! We probably acted like we hadn't had a proper meal in weeks. (In our defense, we hadn't!)

Then, of course, there was the last part of our trip when I was in the hospital. I'll never forget lying on the metal bed after being admitted. Doctors rushed all around me speaking in Swahili as I shook from the fever, even though the non-air conditioned, windowless room must have been at least 85 degrees. I remember feeling so scared because they wouldn't let Chris back with me. Before they could figure out what was wrong, when we were worried it was something really severe, I remember thinking there was no way I would allow myself to die alone on a table in in Kenya. 

I also thought about how embarrassed I was that Chris was seeing me so sick. We'd been married a little over nine months and I had absolutely no bowel control. I was throwing up so much I could barely sit up in time to hit the bucket. I cannot imagine what I looked like as my stomach emptied itself from both directions and I cried about being scared and just wanting to go home. These are not the moments you picture when you take your vows. 

(the last day before we went HOME!)

I was thinking about that recently and realized there are a lot of reasons Chris and I work as a couple - and a million reasons I'm grateful I got to marry him. But the thing that matters the most, when you're in the thick of it, is gentility. I can't imagine how different our hospital experience would have looked if he hadn't been so kind, so careful, as he updated my family and tended to my needs.

If you're the stage of life when you're choosing a husband, I can't tell you enough to pick someone who is kind, patient and gentle. Pick someone who will be by your side no matter how terribly disastrous you look and feel. Pick someone who will rub your back and tell you you're beautiful, with so much conviction you actually forget you have vomit on your hospital gown. Pick someone who is kind, time and time again and I promise you will never regret it.