You Can Do Hard Things.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was seeing an OB in Atlanta. Eight weeks into my pregnancy, we moved to Charlottesville, so I found a doctor here. Four weeks later, I decided it wasn't quite the right fit, so I found a new practice again. By the end of the first trimester, I was on my third OB and feeling a little bit like the Princess & the Pea. 

For my first appointment with my third doctor, I wanted to arrive early. I mapped to the office, but, as I pulled up, realized I had selected the wrong location. I called them, panicked, telling them I'd be a few minutes late, as opposed to the preferred 15-minutes early. I arrived a little scattered and asked if I could use the restroom before the appointment (I know, I know.). They said yes, but asked for a urine sample. After consuming 32 ounces of water on my drive to the office, this would not be a problem.

I rushed to the restroom and filled the cup, placing it next to the toilet. A moment later, as I grabbed toilet paper, the roll fell off the hook and knocked over my urine sample. Every last drop spilled all over the floor, spreading quick across the room - the way liquid does so magically on tile surfaces.

I was mortified. And there was no way I could switch OBs again after my long journey to find this one! :) I told the woman at the front desk and she, along with all of the other receptionists, had a nice long laugh.

I like to think I made a lasting impression? 

I tell you this because sometimes - especially during seasons of change - life can feel a lot like my office experience. You're doing your best, trying to make everything work and yet, despite your efforts, things keep going just a little awry. Not horribly wrong. Just a little off kilter all of the time, requiring a lot of adjusting, patience and focus.

I felt a lot like this in my early 20s and have learned from friends that motherhood can be very similar. You're doing your best, but the learning curve is so steep. How can you possibly expect yourself to get it right every time? These seasons require massive amounts of grace and patience for ourselves. 

During these early days in Charlottesville, some moments have felt this way for us. We made a lot of major changes at once - new city, new house, new baby, new church, new friends, new clients for Chris - it's only natural for there to be some bumps along the way.

Some days, life feels like it takes a lot more effort than it did in Atlanta. We have to be more positive, flexible, patient and focused, just to navigate a typical day. And, some days, even with all that effort, it still feels like we're not quite getting the hang of it. 

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One of our family mottos (which we learned from the amazing Brené Brown) is that we don't want to live for the quick and easy, regardless of how often our world tells us we deserve instant gratification. We want to create lives that are abundant and honest and true. Doing this requires trusting that the best things are hard-earned and long-awaited. It requires being unafraid of real work, difficult conversations and tough decisions. It requires more grit than we sometimes feel we have - being willing to hang in there just a little longer than expected before things fall into place.

But we must also remember: when we're doing hard things, we have to give ourselves - and one another - extra doses of grace and patience. We have to be gentle with ourselves. We have to understand that, sometimes, you're going to spill the urine everywhere. And what do you do when that happens? You clean it up. You laugh it off. And you begin again. 

A Few Things I'm Loving

Happy Monday, beauties! Spring officially starts tomorrow and I could not be happier about it. I am ready for ya, springy spring! Along with the changing season, I'm loving these five things this week:

1. Everyone Lotion in Mint + Coconut. Love this stuff! The coconut scent is light and springy. I've struggled with finding a natural/clean body lotion because I go through them too quickly to invest a lot of money. Overall, Everyone products have good ratings on the EWG (the main issue with this lotion seems to be allergens, which aren't a concern for me) and their prices are good. 
    
2. Maya Angelou on Oprah's SuperSoul Sunday. Amazing. There are two parts and I listened to both twice. Maya is so wise! After listening, I was so obsessed that I actually wondered if we should name the baby Maya if she's a girl. But seriously, should we!? :)
    
3. UPS My Choice. OK this is really random (and not an ad or affiliate link!). BUT I think you will like it, too! We've been getting so many packages lately with our move and UPS My Choice let's you schedule your deliveries, as well as sends you alerts for when they're coming. So much better than missing a delivery! I signed up for the free version and it's making my life a lot easier. 
    
4. Caldo Verde Quick Kale Soup. I never trust a quick soup recipe because soup is always better on day two or three. How can it possibly be good in 30 minutes!? But we were in a bind last weekend and tried making this anyway. Honestly? It was pretty delicious after just a half hour of cooking. I will say it was better the second, third and fourth day, though. I'd imagine it would be delicious in a crockpot. I added a can of garbanzo beans to thicken it up.
    
5. The Great Alone. I started this over the weekend and am already hooked. I love Kristin Hannah's writing. I know a lot of you replied to my Insta story and told me to keep going with All the Light We Cannot See, but it just wasn't working for me. I think the biggest issue may have been needing a break from the WWII books after three in a row. I may pick it back up later this year. 

Happy Spring Eve! 

How to Stay Close to your Spouse After a Baby

One of the things I'm most nervous about when it comes to having a baby is how it will impact our marriage. I've heard many stories of feeling closer to your spouse - more grateful for who they are and all they do. But, I've also heard stories about how hard it can be to remember to care for one another. How difficult it can be to remember to make time to connect and cherish one another when life feels busy and hectic. And what a challenge sex can be when you're both exhausted and you've had a baby touching you all day. 

The whole thing reminds me of how I felt going into our wedding. I was SO excited. I didn't have doubts about Chris. But I felt nervous about marriage as an institution. We'd heard the horror stories. We'd seen the stats. We wanted to prepare, but knew we could only learn by doing. For two major planners, the mantra "you don't know what you don't know" doesn't exactly provide a lot of reassurance.

Here we are years later, expecting our first baby just two weeks before our second anniversary and I'm reminded that you have to get in the pool to learn to swim. We can't begin to navigate our marriage post-baby until that little bundle of joy graces us with its presence. We must learn as we go.

That being said, I've taken to compiling some advice from friends regarding staying close after the babe arrives. Some will probably be game changers and others might not work for us. But, Chris always says good advice is worth trying once before you rule it out. So try we will! 

1. Take time to talk about non-baby things every day.
    
2. Remind your spouse of these things daily: that you love him. That you love him as a parent. And you love him more than (or differently than) your baby.
    
3. When you put the baby to bed, try to stay awake to hang out with each other. It can be hard when you're so exhausted, but time alone together is so important.
    
4. Remember to touch each other. Hold hands, rub his back, make eye contact.
    
5. Make a point to appreciate one another and compliment each other. It's nice to hear you're doing a great job because you rarely feel you are. 
    
6. Remember: you're both new at this and are trying to make decisions that are best for your family. Cut one another some slack and try to keep a team mentality. You're both feeling emotions you've never felt.
    
7. Find time for the two of you to connect alone - without the baby, friends, phones or a TV. Talk, snuggle, listen to music - just be together. Mark certain topics as off limits (sleep schedules, finances, logistics, etc.) and make an effort to have real conversation.
    
8. Invest in date nights. They are an investment financially, yes. But they're also an investment in your marriage. 
    
9. Remember that if you allow your relationship with your kids to trump your relationship with your spouse, it negatively impacts both your kids and your spouse. But if you put your spouse first, the healthy relationship and love trickles down to the whole family.
    
10. Take mini vacations alone. Even if it is just one night (and feels hard to leave), it makes a big difference.
     
11. Give one another time and space to practice self-care alone. Whether it be a workout, time with friends, listening to a podcast - anything that fills you up - make it a priority. Having solo time will rejuvenate you as individuals and as a couple.
     
12. Remember to ask your spouse how he's doing. 
     
13. Don't take it so seriously. Laugh together when it feels like chaos and everything is falling apart.
     
14. Lean heavily on the Lord for strength and direction. Try to remember you aren't in control. 
     
15. Talk about sex. Things change after a baby. Don't be afraid to have open conversation about it.
     
16. Don't let people scare you. Things change a lot, but you can still go on dates and be adventurous and romantic. 
     
17. Don't be afraid to ask for help from family members and friends. Your loved ones will be more than willing to take your babe for an hour or two so you and your husband can go on a walk, a date or even to the grocery store alone.
     
18. Be extra sensitive to one another's needs. You're both going to feel a new type of pressure. 
     
19. Don't feel guilty if you need to schedule sex in order to make it happen.
     
20. Think of one another. Surprise each other with small gestures. It could be a massage, a gift, or even something small - like cleaning the bathroom. Little gestures go a long way.
     
21. Don't be afraid to admit that things feel hard. You're probably feeling tired, emotional and overwhelmed. Don't suffer silently. 
     
22. If you need to, see a therapist. There is no shame in needing to talk through the way your lives and relationship are changing.
     
23. Remember, when it comes to sex, sometimes you just need to have a glass of wine (or coffee!), putting on some music and go for it. 
     
24. Recognize that you're both going to make mistakes. If you can remember that you're both trying your hardest and have the baby's best interests in mind, mistakes won't feel as frustrating.
     
25. When you're feeling disconnected, it might be a small fix, like getting enough sleep or having some alone time, that could recenter you. Love and marriage and babies are about remembering to inhale and exhale. Recognize that something like rest or being in nature might be the inhale you need. 

A huge thanks to my mom, sisters and friends, Jamie, Katie and Callie, for the great advice. They say it takes a village. Our baby hasn't even arrived yet and I'm already deploying mine! :) 

Our Baby Moon!

Last week, Chris and I took a trip to Anna Maria Island for our baby moon. As we were on the beach, I realized we've taken a whole lot of trips for weddings, to visit friends and - of course - Kenya - in the last two years, but we haven't actually been on vacation just the two of us since our honeymoon.

Ah, how it will restore your soul!

We arrived early (early!) Thursday morning and stayed through Sunday evening. The weekend was full of reading (Beneath a Scarlet Sky & The Orphan's Tale for me, Beneath a Scarlet Sky & The Nightingale for Chris!), tons of long walks on the beach and great seafood. I'm still thinking of the salmon!

We held hands. We talked about life. We didn't talk about schedules or logistics or grocery lists. We watched the sunset on the beach. We  slept for 10 hours each night. We dreamed about our future. We talked about baby names and whether we think it will be a boy or girl. We talked about our fears, our worries and our hopes.

It was dreamy.

I tell you what, after a long winter, the beach sure will rejuvenate you. 

I also rocked a bikini, which was very unexpected. I purchased a one-piece ahead of time and had just told my sister I didn't think I'd ever been a woman who wore a two piece while pregnant. But then, as I packed, I decided to throw in my bikini. Why not!? The stakes seemed low enough to wear it with just Chris. 

After the first day, I decided to take the plunge and throw it on. Y'all, my confidence skyrocketed in that thing. I felt so beautiful and sure of myself. I felt empowered - like I'd come out of hiding since the first day. I felt free. I highly recommend it.

For those who are interested in Anna Maria, we stayed at The Waterline Marina Resort & Beach Club. The rooms are all suites, so you'll have two bedrooms and a kitchen, as well as a pull-out couch. It would be great for a group of friends or a family, though it's in somewhat of an odd part of town. It was far more space than we needed!

If you're interested in booking, we got a great deal through Expedia, which has up to 10% cash back on Ebates. The Expedia rate (for late February) + the cash back through Ebates made it much more affordable. After we completed the trip, Ebates deposited cash back into my account, which made that beach-side salmon feel much more affordable! :) I mostly recommend the resort (again, the location is a little odd!), but highly recommend booking trips through Ebates.

And now, we're just 53 days away from my due date. Crazy!