Five Facts from a Guy {about girls} #3

Hey, Friday friendy fries! I'm back this week with Five Facts from a Guy #3. Enjoy below from my sweet brother, Duke! Have a wonderful weekend!

Duke, Sam and me the first weekend they moved to Atlanta!

1. Be confident in yourself. Guys love girls who are comfortable and confident in who they are. That doesn’t mean you have to have every aspect of your life figured out (because guys definitely don’t either). But having an awareness of where you are in life and the confidence to fully enjoy and appreciate the present is truly attractive!

2. Don’t let us be your everything. It is so easy for a relationship to become an idol that we center our lives around. This can lead to impossible expectations that neither person can ever live up to. Enjoy your relationship. Even LOVE it! Just don’t let it be your only reason for waking up each morning! You can best serve a guy by serving God first. Everything else will follow!

3. Keep your eyes open to the good and the bad. No relationship is perfect. Guys understand this! Let us know if something is bothering you and how we can better serve you. However, we also like to receive compliments and talk about the good aspects of our relationship. A relationship will flourish if we have an understanding of what does work and where we may need to work a bit more intentionally. So next time you want to discuss something that is driving you crazy, try a compliment sandwich! We will feel appreciated and more receptive.

4. Be emotional because guys are too. There is a reason why guys don’t watch The Notebook. It. Will. Make. Us. Cry. If a guy says he is not emotional or doesn’t “feel in that way,” he may not be in touch with his emotional triggers. Everyone has the capability to feel sadness, happiness, anger, fear, and the myriad of emotions in between. And your willingness to be emotionally vulnerable will help us feel comfortable to do the same. So next time a guy says no to watching a Nicholas Sparks movie, just know that the reason is more than us not liking chick flicks.

5. A guy can best see your beauty when you see it in yourself. Girls, we want you to know that you are beautiful. Inside and out. And we want you to own it. You are beautiful with or without a guy telling you so. True beauty comes from your confidence in your own character and your faithfulness to God. From that comes our perception of your external beauty.  And you realizing your own beauty is the most beautiful thing about you.

why does every girl think she needs to lose weight?

I recently walked into a conversation as a group of girls was talking about losing weight. They were outlining diets they'd each tried - recounting what they'd cut, how much they'd exercised and comparing each one by the numbers. I excused myself instantly and, as soon as I did, my heart began to ache.

Why does every girl think she's fat? 

I couldn't help but wonder for the remainder of the night. Why do these beautiful, wonderful people I'm surrounded with think they need to change?

If you listen for it, every day you'll hear girls having conversations, big and small, about the ways they need to change their bodies. There are cookies they should not eat and classes at the gym they should attend. There are self-deprecating conversations about wanting smaller this and flatter that. About wanting to tone up and slim down. These are tiny, daily admissions that reveal, over and over again: I believe I am not enough as I am.

Why aren't we able to be confident in who we are and grateful for the bodies we have?

Whose idea was it to convince every girl, everywhere that something about her is incomplete? There is a constant posture of not enough and of needing to change.

But I don't think it has to be this way.

I want to cultivate a posture of enough. I want to believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, just as I am. That calories aren't meant to be counted, but enjoyed. That exercise isn't meant to be used as a tool to earn a meal. That exercise is beautiful because is allows us to feel the fullness of our strength and the wind in our hair.

I've been thinking a lot about what I wish I'd said when I walked in on that conversation. What I wish I'd been brave enough to reveal, instead of remaining silent. If I had the chance again, here's what I'd say:

I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Because you are beautiful. You are enough as you are. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes instead of the microscope that you use to pick apart pieces of your body. I wish you could see the way your smile can light up a room when you laugh without insecurity. I wish you could see the way you connect with people when you love vulnerably.

I wish you could see yourself the way the world sees you - as someone who is strong and able and beautiful - instead of as a number on a scale or on your pants. Not as a work in progress, in need of change through a Pure Barre class and a cardio session, but instead as someone who is totally, completely enough. 

I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself for me. Because when you pick yourself apart, it makes me wonder how you see me. If you think your stomach isn't flat enough, what do you think when you see mine? If you think you need to diet before your wedding, what will you say about me before mine? If you think you need to be longer, leaner, firmer and tighter, do you think I do, too? The way we love ourselves is, ultimately, how we love others. If you cannot love yourself for you, can you still love me for me? 

I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself for our future daughters. Someday, she will watch you. And she will wonder, if you think you are fat, what you think about her. She will wonder if you pick her apart when you see her in the bathtub, just like you pick your body own apart. And someday, she will grow up and wonder why she doesn't like parts of her body. She might not know exactly why, but she will know that she, too, needs to be smaller and firmer.

But most of all, I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself because you were fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a wonderful work. And you deserve to know it full well and believe it deeply. 

big news a-comin

image via emily ley

I have some big news coming down the pike in the next couple weeks that I'm really excited to share with you! I'm also in the process of redoing my blog and coaching site, so this weekend felt a little crazy trying to get all my ducks in a row.

I'm not quite ready to share my news yet, but will be hopefully in the next few weeks. In the meantime, in honor of the new design coming soon, I'm offering five free coaching sessions for first-time clients. Email me if you'd like to snag one or have any questions. I anticipate that they'll go quickly and will only be offering five, so be sure to grab one if you're interested.

Right now it feels like everything is moving really quickly in life. Last week I found myself working late at my job, then zipping home as quickly as possible to pour myself into the new project I mentioned/coaching/blogging. I feel so grateful for this season of harvesting, but this past weekend I found myself exhausted. Chris cooked Friday night and I barely made it to dessert. And that's my favorite part!

Saturday, we kayaked Sweetwater Creek as our first date back from our sabbatical, went to lunch with Duke at Miller Union and spent the afternoon at the pool. It was so lovely. Sunday morning, I woke up ready to go - to spend time at my computer to move things forward, write a blog post and catch up on the computery side of things.

The weekend reminded me that even in our busiest seasons of work and life, it's so important that we make time to play and rest. To get outside, slow down and embrace this sweet season of summer. When we take time to slow down and care for ourselves, we're better for it in the long run. We begin Monday morning rejuvenated instead of depleted. Energized instead of exhausted. And joyful that another week is upon us.

Happy Monday!

PS: I love this read from Robyn about Hunger & Shame.

ATL Free Dates Final & Five Things Friday

Happy Friday! Tonight is Chris and my last date of our 30 Days of Free Dates. Yaay! He's grilling salmon from Fresh Harvest as our final hurrah. I'll probably be making goat cheese guacamole. Again! I'm hooked.

Tomorrow, we're going kayaking at Sweetwater, then he's taking me to a mystery lunch spot. The only clue I got was to come hungry. Nottaproblem! 

The past week of free dating has been pretty low key, since we threw the surprise party last weekend. We did manage to squeeze in a Braves game, because one of my friends gave me free tickets, which included free food. Boom!

We were laughing that we haven't been back to a Braves game since last summer, when we had the same free tickets. We spent most of it talking about a job offer I'd just received in Africa, instead of watching. How different our lives would be today had I taken it! It made me so grateful for what God is doing in my life right here in this sweet city. Sometimes, we have to go to faraway places for big adventures. Other times, they're right in our own backyard.

As we wrap up all this free dating, I'm shocked to see how much is still unfinished on the list we made.  I also feel (probably too) proud we survived the lack of coffee dates. And I ca-n-n-ot wait to get dressed up for a date night soon. A night on your porch just ain't the same as a night on the town!

For a little Friday thinking, I saw this question posed recently and thought I'd share:

If you had one million in your bank account, how would you answer these questions?

1 place to visit: Greece! Or Bora Bora. I think I need two :)

1 thing to do before you die (a memory of a lifetime): Ride an elephant. I've been itching to do this for years and had some weird idea I'd get to do it in Africa. It's on my bucket list!

1 thing to do daily: Say thank you. And I love you. More & more.  You never regret it.

1 thing to do weekly: Have a dance party in lieu of typical exercise. You never regret that, either.

1 thing you’ve always wanted to learn: How to be an awesome photographer.

How would you answer? Have a great weekend!