Today I Believe...

That self-care should be a mandatory college course.

That the high schooler in me will always love jamming to radio hits with my windows down. (Hi, Miley!)

That you can read Brené Brown in the morning and Liane Moriarty in the evening and feel really good about it. 

That a good night's rest can typically solve all of my problems. Or at least a lot of them. 

That rearranging the apps on my phone is the digital equivalent to rearranging a room in my house. 

That perfect, summer weather calls for an extra iced coffee. 

That being friendly to strangers is an underrated mood lifter. 

That we should always seek adventure, but vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles need not be challenged. 

This post was inspired by Laura Marie Meyer's series. If you haven't read the Little Things and Curiosities blog before, I highly recommend it. She writes like a dream!

Are You Swept Up in Social Media?

Whenever I see people walking their dogs at night, I immediately find myself wishing for a dog. This is not a real desire because I’m not an animal person. (I know, I know.)

My sister and I always joke about a girl I saw in the park years ago. She was wearing bright red Toms, rocking a ponytail like a boss and walking her golden retriever. I mentioned her at least 10 times to my sister, wondering if I, too, needed a dog and red Toms. You remember the girl with the ponytail in the park? I’d say as I began the debate. Of course, she told me, though she wasn’t actually there.

Eventually, I caved. I bought red Toms.

Last week, it happened again. I saw a couple walking their dog, with the golden sun dancing behind them as they laughed at something their pup did. Should we get a dog to walk on these glorious summer nights? I wondered as I drove home.

No, because I wouldn’t want to walk it in the winter, I thought. Also, I would have to clean up its poop.

It hit me then: these moments, these drive by doggings, are kind of like social media. They give you a glimpse into what it’s like to have a dog, but they don’t really show the whole picture. They don’t show you the hard parts or the depth of the good parts. They’re just glimpses.

I have a tendency to allow negativity into my life when I spend too much time on social media. It happened recently, over Memorial Day weekend. We had an amazing day with friends at the pool. We grilled, we drank wine, we swam, we relaxed. It was lovely! But as I laid in bed that night, looking at Instagram, I found myself wondering if we should have gone to the beach. Or a lake? Or Greece?

Without even noticing it, I let little glimpses into other people’s lives dictate my feelings. Just like the girl with the ponytail and red Toms.

After a moment of scrolling, I stopped myself. You had an awesome weekend! Don’t let anyone else dictate your joy. As I laid there, I reminded myself that our lives are so much more than the snapshots we show on social media. There are highs and lows that, appropriately, stay behind closed doors. But if we aren’t careful, we can find ourselves chasing these snapshot moments, tortured by the girl with the red Toms.  

How to Make Friends in a New City

Hello, butterbeans! This is a repost from 2013, with just a handful of changes throughout. It is one of my most-read posts of all time and, as many of you are graduating from college and moving cities, I thought it was a good time to share it again. Happy moving!

Does anyone have this image source? I cannot find!

The end of this month officially marks three years in Atlanta for me, which is insane because it feels like only yesterday that I packed up a U-Haul and moved here. At the same time, though, it feels like a lifetime ago that I was living in Indy with my parents. So, so many things in my life have changed. My Brookhaven apartment is a world away now. (What I didn't tell you in 2013 is that I had also gone through a really tough breakup after moving here for a boy. Atlanta felt big and scary and lonely for a long, long time.)

Since moving here, I've gotten a lot of requests for a post on how to make friends in a new city. And while I, by no means, consider myself a pro, I figured I might as well share what I know. 

Friendships after college fit right into the entire decade of our 20s perfectly: they're a total adjustment. 

They're amazing because you're growing up together - learning how to be a mini adult, bonding over the woes of working (where's our summer?), figuring out how to cook, learning the absolute beauty of the weekend.

But you're also paying bills. Learning to say no. Realizing that a best friend after college doesn't mean spending every waking minute together, eating late night food, sharing closets and cracking up over the ridiculous thing that guy said.

No, instead, these friendships are about growing through this transition together and figuring out where we all net out. 

You begin to see that we're not all the same. When you're not living the same life [wake up, class, workout, class, eat, study, go out. Begin again.], priorities become very real.

There are people that will still go out every night, rolling into work hungover but somehow magically presentable. There are people that get married and have babies right away. There are those that fly through corporate America, pouring themselves into the latter, climbing and climbing. And there are those who are slowly trying to figure it out - manage a balance of collegehood and adulthood, maturity and grace. 

Find your people. They're all good people. Find the ones that suit you. And, here's how I think you should do it...

How to Make Friends in a New City

1. Be vulnerable. I know. I really started with a zinger. But it's key. You have to be willing to put yourself out there - ask people to do something, be a little more open than you traditionally would be and keep on trying. Sometimes you don't connect the first time you hang out. Sometimes people are crazy busy. Keep asking. 

I am embarrassed to admit this, but when I first moved here, if I met someone in a social setting and could see myself being friends with them, I'd say: I know we just met, but do you want to hang out sometime? And then, I'd normally add: I just moved here and don't really have any friends yet, but you seem great! 

And you know what? Normally they would say: I did, too! It's so hard not knowing anyone! When you're honest with people about your intentions and feelings, it's amazing how honest they'll be in return. Some of my greatest friendships here began with that pickup line. 

(Also, the entire experience of asking girls on friend-dates gave me so much more sympathy for boys. It's nerve wracking!)

image via

2. Be a yes man. I realize this totally goes against all my unglorification of busyness business. But this is a sprint, my friends. In the marathon of life, I still believe in slowing down and prioritizing. However, when you're trying to make friends, sometimes you just have to be that girl that says yes to things. You can't get to know people if you always go home and sit on the couch. It's after you make friends that you begin hibernating. 

Kidding. 

But seriously: say yes to things. When Melly and I first met, we clicked pretty quickly. And we later admitted that a huge draw to one another was that we were both always down to try new things. It's amazing to me how many people (1) refuse to do things on weeknights and (2) aren't willing to get outside of their comfort zones. I'm certainly not suggesting you do things you hate all the time or never, ever have a night at home with wine and your dog. But, when you're first meeting people, be willing to get outside of your comfort zone a bit. It's amazing what you'll learn about yourself and who you'll meet. 

3. Join, join, join things {that interest you}. I am not exaggerating when I say that the majority of the friends I've made since moving here (and didn't meet at work) have been through either (1) my bible study or (2) volunteering for Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. Do they all go to my church or volunteer there? Heck, no! But they are a friend of a friend of a friend who is now my friend. Besides, when you meet people who do care about the things you care about, you often find you have other things in common, too. 

4. Go places. I told you a while back that people love to tell me: You could meet your next boyfriend anywhere, even the grocery store! And even though it's not my favorite thing to hear, because it encourages people to act a little crazy at the grocery store (like following the cute boy to the beef jerky section when you're vegan...), there's truth to it. You can meet people anywhere - and you will! You just have to go places. 

When I first moved here, I worked from home because my company was in Indiana. Every day I went to Starbucks and soon learned that this other 20-something guy, Frank, did the same thing. By the end of the first few months, Frank and I were pals. He'd email he if I didn't show up, we'd talk all about his family's vacation home in Marblehead and slowly, we became friends. 

5. Don't be afraid to do things alone. I did so much by myself when I first moved here, and what I learned is that doing things by yourself isn't really that lonely at all. In fact, it's empowering. Today, I'm so glad I have people I can call to do things, yes. But I look back on those days and am grateful for the way trying a new class, joining a club and attending church alone shaped me. I don't fear being alone and now I have no qualms about awkwardly hitting on potential friends, hoping they might like to grab coffee sometime. 

6. Think outside the box. In high school and college, most of my friends were just like me. And that was amazing and fun and we gelled so nicely. But now, a lot of my friends are really different than me. And you know what? It's pretty cool. They teach me to think differently and offer a fresh perspective. Don't be afraid to be friends with someone who looks and acts differently than you. You never know what they'll teach you. 

7. Don't forget your old friends. Making new friends is exciting, but the old ones feel like home. You need them both. My friends and I used to call one another after our girl dates and report back: Yes, I think I like her - we might even hang out again! Or, Nah, she wasn't for me. And then: I'm so glad I have you. 

8. And remember, it will happen. Be patient. Give yourself grace. Know that it takes time to meet the right friends and develop a connection. As my mom used to tell me when I'd cry to her because I hadn't made friends yet, and just missed the ones I had from home: Once in a lifetime friends are hard to find and you're lucky enough to have found more than one in your lifetime. So, keep trying - it'll happen. And when you look back one day and realize the city doesn't feel so big and scary anymore - it kind of feels like a small town - you'll realize it was worth the wait. I promise. 

Our lives were entrusted to us.

In June 2014, I wrote a post about finding your calling in your 20s. A reader thoughtfully commented and said this:

This might sound depressing, but...I was obsessed with finding my dream job and passion in my mid-20s. Then someone once told me to forget about finding passion in my work. Do a job that allows me to do the things I'm passionate about OUTSIDE of work. Curiously enough, embracing this idea made me truly enjoy the job I was already in more. A job is just a job...it shouldn't define your life!

I have thought about her comment at least 50 times since I read it. Do I agree with this?  I wondered countless times as I deliberated quitting my own job. It has taken me approximately 1,100 days to determine my response to her thoughts. Apparently, I didn't take her words lightly! :) 

My answer is this: I respectfully disagree.

You see, I’ve been sitting with the idea, lately, that our lives were entrusted to us. God gave YOU your specific skills, talents and personality. He chose you to embody these things and wants you to use them. It wasn’t a mistake that He made you an amazing listener. It wasn’t an accident that He gave you an artistic eye. He had a plan for what you’d do with your skills while on Earth. Just take a moment to rest in that idea. It is so refreshing to me! 

If you are sitting in a cubicle today, feeling like your soul is rotting and your talents are shriveling up, you aren't crazy. It gave me a ton of peace when I stopped trying to fight my natural inclinations and, instead, trust that they were God-given.

Wrestle with the idea: is this the life that was designed for you? Are you using your amazing skills? Do you feel alive? Do you even feel awake?

image via

I spent a lot of years in these two camps:

Camp one: What the heck is my calling? What am I good at? What would I actually enjoy doing?

And then, once I answered those questions, which took a very, very long time:

Camp two:  OK, now what the heck do I do with this?

I often wonder if it’s worse to have no idea what your calling is, or worse to know what it is, but feel stuck in your job. I’ve definitely experienced both! I know (trust me, I know), how frustrating it can be to feel this way. It can make you feel panicked, claustrophobic, moody, exhausted, annoyed…

By 10 a.m.

I just want to encourage you, today, to keep asking yourself the hard questions. Keep taking one step at a time to get to where you want to be. You may feel like you’re a million miles away from where you want to go. But, with each step you take toward your goal, you’re a little bit closer to it. Walk through those open doors, my friends.